SOME PEOPLE ARE SO STUPID, THEY SHOULD

BE SENT TO A DESERT ISLAND TO LIVE ALONE

Subject: Helpline>True Telephone conversations recorded from various Help Desks around the U.K>------------------------------------------------------->>>

Helpdesk: What kind of computer do you have?>>
Customer: A white one...>>-------------------------------------------------------

>>Customer:Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out.>>
Helpdesk: Have you tried pushing the button?>>
Customer: Yes, but it's really stuck.>>
Helpdesk: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note ..>>
Customer: No . wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still on my desk... sorry .>------------------------------------------------------->>>

Helpdesk:Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen.>>
Customer: Your left or my left?>>--------------------------------------------------------
>>>

Helpdesk:Good day. How may I help you?>>
Male customer: Hello... I can't print.>>
Helpdesk: Would you click on start for me and ...>>
Customer:Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates damn it!>>-------------------------------------------------------->>>

Hi good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it...>>-------------------------------------------------------->>

Customer: I have problems printing in red...>>
Helpdesk: Do you have a colour printer?>>
Customer:No.>>------------------------------------------------------>>

Helpdesk: What's on your monitor now ma'am?>>
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me in the supermarket.>>-------------------------------------------------------->>

Helpdesk:And now hit F8.>>
Customer: It's not working.>>
Helpdesk: What did you do, exactly?>>
Customer: I hit the F-key 8-times as you told me, but nothing's happening...>>-------------------------------------------------------->>

Customer:My keyboard is not working anymore.>>
Helpdesk: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?>>
Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.>>
Helpdesk: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.>>
Customer: OK>>
Helpdesk: Did the keyboard come with you?>>
Customer: Yes>>
Helpdesk: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?>>
Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work!>>------------------------------------------------------->>

Helpdesk:Your password is the small letter a as in apple, a capital letter V as in Victor, the number 7.>>
Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?>>-------------------------------------------------------->>

A customer couldn't get on the internet.>>
Helpdesk: Are you sure you used the right password?>>
Customer: Yes I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.>>
Helpdesk: Can you tell me what the password was?>>
Customer:Five stars.>>-------------------------------------------------------->>

Helpdesk:What antivirus program do you use?>>
Customer: Netscape.>>
Helpdesk:That's not an antivirus program.>>
Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.>>-------------------------------------------------------->>

Customer:I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screensaver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears!>>-------------------------------------------------------->>

Helpdesk:Microsoft Tech. Support, may I help you?>>
Customer: Good afternoon! I have waited over 4 hours for you. Can you please tell me how long it will take before you can help me?>>
Helpdesk: Uhh..? Pardon, I don't understand your problem?>>
Customer: I was working in Word and clicked the help button more than 4 hours ago. Can you tell me when you will finally be helping me?>>-------------------------------------------------------->>

Helpdesk:How may I help you?>>
Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.>>
Helpdesk: OK, and, what seems to be the problem?>>
Customer: Well, I have the letter a, but how do I get the circle around it?>>

STUDY AND MOUNTAIN ROOM DOORS

STUDY DOOR AND TO LEFT THE MOUNTAIN ROOM DOOR

ALL SIX OF THE UPSTAIRS DOORS HAVE NOW BEEN REPLACED.
THE MOST RECENT ONES HAVE TO BE STAINED.

NEXT WE WILL PUT A NEW FLOOR IN OUR BEDROOM (IT IS COLLAPSING IN SPOTS)
THEN INSULATING THE ATTIC, REDOING THE STAIRCASE WALLS AND
LAST WILL BE THE LIVINGROOM.
(OF COURSE PAINTING THE MOUNTAIN ROOM
AND PUTTING NEW RUGS DOWN AFTER OUR BEDROOM FLOOR IS DONE)

THAT WILL BE THE END OF THE NEMOURS RENOVATIONS.

OUR BEDROOM AND ATTIC DOOR

THE LEFT DOOR IS OUR BEDROOM AND
TO THE RIGHT IS THE NEW ATTIC DOOR.

UPSTAIRS DOORS

UPSTAIRS DOORS
LEFT IS THE STUDY DOOR
DIRECTLY IN FRONT IS THE BATHROOM DOOR
THE RIGHT ONE IS THE MARINE ROOM DOOR

CHARITY CASE

TODAY WHILE WAITING TO GET OUT OF MY CAR TO STAND AT MY POST,
A GRAND DAD KNOCKED ON MY WINDOW TO ASK IF I WANTED THE COAT HE
HAD IN HIS HAND.

IT WAS A NICE IMITATION LEATHER (PLASTIC) COAT.
I SAID I HAD PLENTY ,
HE SAID HE WAS GOING TO TOSS IT ,
BUT HE THOUGHT OF ME WORKING OUTDOORS.
I SAID I'M TOO BIG BUT HE SAID IT WAS REALLY LARGE.
SO I TOOK IT TO APPEASE HIM.
IT WAS A 2XX AND JUST ABOUT FIT ME.
HAS NICE ZIPPERS AND COAT HOOKS ON IT I COULD USE IF I CUT IT UP.

WELL...I'M NOW A BONIFIDED CHARITY CASE...

YOU SHOULD SEE WHAT WE EARNED LAST YEAR...WOW...NOT BAD FOR A CHARITY CASE.

ALCOHOL TEST

Bourbon Congratulations! You're 123 proof, with specific scores in beer (80) , wine (100), and liquor (86).

Screw all that namby-pamby chick stuff, you're going straight for the bottle and a shot glass! It'll take more than a few shots of Wild Turkey or 99 Bananas before you start seeing pink elephants. You know how to handle your alcohol, and yourself at parties.

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 50% on proof You scored higher than 99% on beer index You scored higher than 50% on wine index You scored higher than 99% on liquor index

Link: The Alcohol Knowledge Test written by hoppersplit on Ok Cupid

WOMEN IN MY LIFE

WOMEN IN MY LIFE

THIS IS A COLLAGE OF SOME OF THE WOMEN IN MY LIFE.

TWO WIVES ARE HERE.

WOMEN I LOVED WITHOUT MAKING LOVE.

WOMEN I DATED

WOMEN I HAD LOVE AFFAIRS WITH AND WOULD HAVE MARRIED

ALL OF WHOM WERE A PART OF MY LIFE.

CURRENTLY MARRIED TO THE LAST OF THE WOMEN IN MY LIFE.

TEN THINGS I'VE DONE IN MY LIFE THAT YOU PROBABLY HAVN'T

1) I OPENED AND APPROVED THE BROOKS BROTHERS ACCT FOR BILL COSBY'S FATHER.

2) I TALKED TO JUDY GARLAND ON THE PHONE (SHE WAS 2 SHEETS TO THE WIND)

3) I CLOSED THE BENDEL ACCOUNT OF THE GIRLFRIEND OF CRAZY JOE GALLO.

4) I SLEPT IN AN EAGLES NEST ON TOP OF A 40 FOOT PINE TREE.

5) I MADE LOVE TO A WOMAN ON A DOCTOR'S EXAMING ROOM TABLE.

6) I SPENT A WEEKS SALARY ON AN OPEL RING FOR MY GIRLFRIEND WHEN I WAS 18

7) I LEFT A GOOD JOB IN THE U.S. TO MOVE TO FRANCE AND BE UNEMPLOYED FOR 13YEARS.

8) I BOUGHT MY FIRST WIFE MATERNITY DRESSES IN HENRI BENDEL WHEN I WAS 20.

9) I DUG A CAVE IN A SAND PIT WHEN I WAS 8 AND LIVED TO TELL ABOUT IT.

10) I COMMUTED 3 HOURS EACH WAY TO WORK FOR 7 YEARS.

WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?

MY ANSWERS
bold the states you've been to, underline the states you've lived in and italicize the state you're in now...

Alabama / Alaska / Arizona / Arkansas / California / Colorado / Connecticut / Delaware / Florida / Georgia / Hawaii / Idaho / Illinois / Indiana / Iowa / Kansas / Kentucky / Louisiana / Maine / Maryland / Massachusetts / Michigan / Minnesota / Mississippi / Missouri / Montana / Nebraska / Nevada / New Hampshire / New Jersey / New Mexico / New York / North Carolina / North Dakota / Ohio / Oklahoma / Oregon / Pennsylvania / Rhode Island / South Carolina / South Dakota / Tennessee / Texas / Utah / Vermont / Virginia / Washington / West Virginia / Wisconsin / Wyoming / Washington D.C /

Go HERE to have a form generate the HTML for you.

WHAT LUCK WE HAVE!!!!!

ANNIE DOESN'T HAVE A FEVER ,
BUT SHE NEEDS TO SEE A DR. TO GET ANTI-BIOTICS BECAUSE OF
RISK OF INFECTION TO HER PROSTHESIS.

OF COURSE IT'S -4° C AND LIGHT SNOW TODAY.
IT IS SUGGESTED TO TAKE
PUBLIC TRANSPORT BECAUSE OF THE WEATHER.
I WORRY.

ANNIE JUST LEFT AT 9:56 AND WILL CALL ME WHEN SHE GETS TO ATHIS.
OH , I FORGOT TO SAY SHE IS GOING THERE TO SEE OUR DR.
WHO HAS OFFICE HRS TODAY FROM 10 AM TO NOON.

WHAT A FN VACATION, HUH??

JUST ANOTHER DAY

WELL, WE'VE BEEN ON VACATION SINCE LAST SATERDAY.

WE CAME TO THE HOUSE IN NEMOURS ON SUNDAY.

TODAY IS WEDNESDAY AND WE BOTH DON'T FEEL LIKE WE ARE ON VACATION.

WIFFIE IS SICK AND I AM SLUGGISH AND
IT HAS SNOWED A DUSTING EVERY DAY SINCE WE'VE BEEN HERE.

THERE IS NOTHING INTERESTING IN THE DVD RENTAL
AND THE CABLE TV HAS HAD NOTHING OF REAL INTEREST.

WHAT A BORE!!!!!!!!

THE VACATION

ON THE THIRD DAY MY WIFE WENT TO DOCTOR BECAUSE OF CHEST PAINS SHE HAS HAD SINCE THURS.
EVERY FN DR IN NEMOURS WAS ON VACATION.
AFTER 8 TRYS SHE FOUND ONE IN THE MORNING
WHO WAS SO BOOKED THAT HE COULD ONLY
SEE HER AT 7:30 PM .
WHEN WE GOT THERE THERE WERE STILL 3 AHEAD OF US.

IT WAS NOT A HEART THING.
BUT HE THOUGHT IT WAS A MUSCLE PULL.

TODAY SHE WOKE UP WITH A TERRIBLE COLD.
SHE WENT TO BED AT 8PM.
I AM NOT SLEEPING IN THE SAME BED TONIGHT!!!

SO I WILL STAY ON THE COUCH.

OH AND IT SNOWED TODAY...

LILLIE

I SAW MY SWEETHEART TODAY.
I CARESSED HER NECK AND CHIN.
IT'S BEEN AWHILE SINCE I'VE BEEN ABLE TO
TOUCH HER WARM VELVETY BODY.

WHEN THE FAMILY IS HOME SHE IS
ALWAYS AVAILABLE.

BUT WHEN THEY ALL LEAVE THE HOUSE
SHE IS CHAINED UP.
SHE IS TOO FAR TO TAKE A PHOTO AND
I'M UNABLE TO CARESS HER.

MY DARLING LILLIE HAS GROWN AND
MATURED.

I WISH SHE WERE MINE!!
I LOVE HER SO...

THE MOST PRESTIOUS DOG IN THE WORLD!

HYPE ABOUT SKYPE

FINALLY MY BEST FRIEND IN THE STATES LOADED SKYPE.
I NOW HAVE 3 PEOPLE TO SKYPE WITH. IF THE REST OF MY
FAMILY AND FRIENDS WOULD HOOK UP. LIFE COULD BE SO CHEAP!
NO MORE LONG DISTANCE TELEPHONE BILLS.

HOT DOG!!!

ONLY IN AMERICA

Feb 4, 10:49 PM (ET)
DURANGO, Colo. (Reuters) - A Colorado judge ordered two teen-age girls to pay about $900 for the distress a neighbor said they caused by giving her home-made cookies adorned with paper hearts.
The pair were ordered to pay $871.70 plus $39 in court costs after neighbor Wanita Renea Young, 49, filed a lawsuit complaining that the unsolicited cookies, left at her house after the girls knocked on her door, had triggered an anxiety attack that sent her to the hospital the next day.
Taylor Ostergaard, then 17, and Lindsey Jo Zellitte, 18, paid the judgment on Thursday after a small claims court ruling by La Plata County Court Judge Doug Walker, a court clerk said on Friday.
The girls baked cookies as a surprise for several of their rural Colorado neighbors on July 31 and dropped off small batches on their porches, accompanied by red or pink paper hearts and the message: "Have a great night."
The Denver Post newspaper reported on Friday that the girls had decided to stay home and bake the cookies rather than go to a dance where there might be cursing and drinking.
It reported that six neighbors wrote letters entered as evidence in the case thanking the girls for the cookies.
But Young said she was frightened because the two had knocked on her door at about 10:30 p.m. and run off after leaving the cookies.
She went to a hospital emergency room the next day, fearing that she had suffered a heart attack, court records said.
The judge awarded Young her medical costs, but did not award punitive damages. He said he did not think the girls had acted maliciously but that 10:30 was fairly late at night for them to be out.

I THOUGHT

I THOUGHT I WAS CRAZY!!

BUSH TAKES THE GOLD METAL.

IF THE WORLD SURVIVES THE NEXT 4 YEARS
IT JUST MIGHT RECOVER IN THE NEXT CENTURY

IF THERE IS A GOD...HELP US PLEASE!!!!

RANT OF THE DAY

FN DAMN BACK. FN DAMN WIFE FN DAMN EVERYTING.

WITH THE MIND OF A 20 YEAR OLD MASTER OF HIS DOMAIN,
I'M STUCK WITH A FN BODY OF AN ARTHRITIC 80 OLD IN
A 62 YR OLD FRAME. WITH A FRENCH WIFE WHO NOW
CONTROLS MY LIFE...FIGHT AS I MAY TO KEEP MY
IDENTITY, SHE IS BEATING ME ON EVERY MOVE.

DECISIONS ABOUT MONEY, HOUSEHOLD, BEING SICK.
HER SOLUTION IS TO SEE A DR FOR EVERY ACHE AND PAIN
AND IF THEY DON'T HELP, SEE ANOTHER TILL WHAT THEY SAY
PLEASES HER. SO GOES THE MEDICAL SYSTEM...
SO GOES MY MISERABLE LIFE...I HAVE NO CONTROL....
SHE SAYS NO ,BUT I SAY STAY OUTTA MY FN KITCHEN..
I COOK SHE ARRANGES MY FOOD.
IT'S A NEW SEARCH EVERY TIME I LOOK FOR
AN INGREDIENT.....

SO GOES THE RANT OF THE DAY!

ALWAYS WHEN YOU LEAST EXPECT IT

TODAY I WENT TO MY 8:10 TO 8:45 TOUR.
IT WASN’T AS COLD AS IT’S BEEEN, ONLY4° TODAY,
BUT DRIZZLEY.

I FINISHED THEN WENT TO 10/10 TO SHOP AND TO
THE BANK TO PICK UP A CHECKBOOK THAT WAS READY.
I GOT HOME TOOK OFF MY COAT AND DROPPED A SALES RECEIPT.
I WENT TO PICK IT UP , AND BANG…MY BACK WENT OUT.
IT WAS 10 A.M.

I CALLED THE POLICE TO SAY I COULDN’T FINISH THE DAY,
AND HAVE BEEN LYING DOWN SINCE.

NOW MY WIFE AND I ARE BOTH INVALIDS…..

FUCK!

GOT THIS FROM ALITHINKS

I SWEAR I DIDN'T COPY HERS. WHAT A COINKIDENSE!!!

Your Famous Blogger Twin is Wil Wheaton

You're a friendly, funny guy (or girl) next door With more than a touch of geekiness

Who's Your Famous Blogger Twin?

WEATHER REPORT

FN COLDDDDD THIS MORNING.
I USED TO LIVE UPSTATE NY WHERE
WINTERS WERE COLD. REALLY COLD.

NOW WHEN THE TEMP HITS 2°C
LIKE IT WAS THIS MORNING
MY WHOLE BODY SHIVERS.

MUST BE AGE!
I BUNDLED UP BUT STILL FELT THE CHILL
CAN'T WAIT TILL THIS DAY IS OVER
SO I CAN STAY IN THE APPT.

OLD SUCKS! COLD SUCKS!
GOLD.....THO...WOULD BE NICE AND I
WOULD NEVER FEEL THE ICE CAUSE I'D BE
LIVIN WHERE THE SUN SHINES ALL THE TIME.

GREVE

TODAY IS A GREVE OF THE EDUCATION NATIONAL.
THE ECOLE MATERNAL I SURVEILLE IS CLOSED,
BUT THE PRIMARY SCHOOL IS OPEN.
I CROSSED 13 KIDS THIS MORNING.

MY WIFE WOULD BE ON STRIKE
AND WE WOULD LOOSE A DAY'S PAY,
BUT SHE HAS A STAGE IN PARIS TODAY
SO SHE WAS LUCKY.

THERE ARE MANY REASONS FOR THIS STRIKE!
ONE IS THERE HAS BEEN NO RAISE IN PAY IN 5 YEARS
FOR MY SPOUSE AND OTHERS LIKE HER
THEY WANT TO GIVE 0.05% BUT THE ADDITIONAL CHARGES
THEY ARE TAKEING FOR OTHER THINGS
WILL OBLITERATE THIS MINISCULE INCREASE.

THEY ARE ALSO SUPPRESSING OVER 3000 JOBS.

THIS GOVERNMENT REALLY SUCKS!

GOING STEADY

40 YEARS AGO TODAY I WENT STEADY WITH MY FIRST WIFE.
WE WERE BOTH 17, SHE WAS A SENIOR IN H.S.
AND I WAS A FRESHMAN AT C.C.N.Y.

I BELIEVE IT WAS A SUNDAY.

WE MARRIED ON AUGUST 26, 1961.
WE SEPERATED AFTER X-MAS IN 1978.
DIVORCED IN MAY 1983.
SHE PASSED AWAY ON JUNE 2 1993.

INFLATION

IN 1969 AFTER WORKING FOR BROOKS BROTHERS FOR 4 YEARS
I WAS PROMOTED TO COLLECTION MANAGER.
I HAD 3 COLLECTORS, 1 TYPIST AND A SECRETARY UNDER MY
SUPERVISION.
I WORKED 4O HOURS A WEEK AND FROM
THANKSGIVING TO CHRISTMAS
I WORKED 6 DAYS A WEEK.
I HAD 2 WEEKS VACATION A YEAR.

TODAY IN 2005 , I AM A SCHOOL CROSSING GUARD, ONE OF 11 IN MY TOWN.
I WORK 35 MINUTES A SHIFT, 4 TIMES A DAY.
ON WEDNESDAY I WORK ONLY 35 MINUTES TWICE A DAY,
AND EVERY OTHER WEDNESDAY I HAVE OFF.
I GET ALL THE SCHOOL HOLIDAYS AND AM OFF
THE WHOLE SUMMER.

I JUST GOT MY YEAREND PAYCHECK STUB (PAGE).
AFTER CONVERTING THE EUROS TO DOLLARS I EARNED $10,377.44 GROSS.


THAT’S ABOUT WHAT I EARNED IN 1969…..AS A 3 PIECE SUIT, BUTTON DOWN COLLAR JR EXECUTIVE.

THAT’S INFLATION!!!!!!!!!!

GALLETTE DE ROI

THEY ARE GENERALLY MADE WITH AN ALMOND PASTE FILLING,
BUT SINCE MY WIFE DOESN'T LIKE ALMONDS,
I MADE THIS WITH A SHREDDED APPLE FILLING.
IT WAS REALLYYYY GOOODDDDDD!!

GALETTE DE ROI..HOMEMADE 

NICE DESERT...VERY RICH...
100GRMS BUTTER AND 100 GRAMS SUGAR WITH 3 SHREDDED APPLES
IN THE FILLING.

JERKS

SOME JERK LEFT A NASTY COMMENT ON MY BLOG YESTERDAY..
THE COWARDLY BASTARD DIDN'T HAVE THE BALLS TO SIGN IT!

I WANT COMMENTS, BUT NOT FROM ASSHOLES! WHAT A JERK!!!

HOLIDAYS

I HATE HOLIDAYS.
I'VE HATED THEM SINCE 1978.

I CAN'T WAIT TILL THEY ARE OVER.
I REALLY FN HATE UM.

HOLIDAY SPIRIT...BAH HUMBUG!!!

LAZY

I SLEPT MOST OF THE AFTERNOON.
NOTHING ON TV.
ATE LEFTOVERS...
CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S 9 PM
WHERE DID THE TIME GO...GOT UP AT 6AM

READERS

I KNOW 3 PEOPLE WHO READ MY BLOG.
AND I AM ONE!!!!
WHY IS IT PEOPLE, FRIENDS, MAYBE EVEN FAMILY
NEVER LEAVE COMMENTS????

LUCKILY I READ MY OWN JUST SO
WHEN I HAVE NO MEMORY LEFT
I CAN FILL MYSELF IN ON MY LIFE.

HAPPY NEW YEAR
BONNE ANNEE

THE STORY OF BAKED HAM

THE STORY OF BAKED HAM

ONCE UPON A TIME IN DEC 1999 MY FRIENDS
WAYNE AND MOE AND THEIR SON ZAC
CAME TO FRANCE TO VISIT.
THERE WAS A TEMPEST OF THE CENTURY THAT WEEK
AND I WAS SICK, SO THEIR STAY WAS NOT VERY ENJOYABLE
AS IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN.

THE ONE GOOD THING WAS A BAKED HAM I MADE.
VERY HARD TO FIND HERE. AS I REMEMBER WAYNE AND I FOUND
A JAMBON DE VENDEE, ABOUT 5 KLG AS I REMEMBER AND IT
WAS ABOUT 30$ AS I REMEMBER.

WELL I HAVEN’T HAD A BAKED HAM SINCE. SO WHEN WE GOT TO NEMOURS
AFTER OUR VACATION IN THE ALPS, I WENT OUT TO LOOK FOR A HAM.
I GOUND THE CHEAPEST HAM THERE WAS (SANDWICH HAM THEY SLICE)
AT 7.90€ A KLG. IT WAS 7.755 KLG AND THE COST WAS 61.26€.

NOW CONVERSION….7.755 KLG =17.09 LB
AND THE COST WAS 61.26€ WHICH EQUALS $82.70…
DAH THAT’S $4.839/LB.
THIS IS THE WONDER BELOW.




BAKED HAM 

THE END OF THE VACATION

WELL IT SNOWED ALL DAY X-MAS.
WE WOKE UP TO 30 CM/11.8 in OF SNOW.
THE DAY WE HAD TO LEAVE!!!

I SHOVELED OUT THE CAR...WAS DEAD AFTER.
OF COURSE THE WIFE DID EVERYTHING ELSE.
SHE'S FRENCH...SHE TAKES CHARGE.

AFTER 7 HRS ON THE ROAD WE ARRIVED SAFELY
AT NEMOURS.
THE FOTO BELOW SHOWS ANNIE BEFORE WE LEFT LA CLUSAZ

MY WIFE PUTTING CHAINS ON THE CAR 

FRIENDS

IT'S BEEN OVER TWO WEEKS SINCE I SENT THE SKYPE SITE
TO THOSE PEOPLE I REALLY WANT TO KEEP IN TOUCH WITH.
FREE PHONE WITH YOUR PC.

NOT 1, EVEN FAMLIY HAS CHOSEN TO SET IT UP.
NO-ONE HAS THE TIME FOR DOING THIS LITTLE THING
THAT WOULD PLEASE ME TO NO END.

SO MUCH FOR FRIENDS AND FAMILY!!!!

WEDNESDAY IN LA CLUSAZ

WELL I VENTURED OUT YESTERDAY TO GO SHOPPING.
WE BUNDLED UP AND LEFT. THE GROUND HAD SOME SNOW,
BUT ONCE WE GO TO THE SIDEWALK ON THE STREET IT WAS OK.

WE WENT TO SUPER U AND STOCKED UP. I GOT US SOME LUMP EGGS AND
ST.MORET FOR XMAS.
CAVIAR IS "HORS PRIX" FOR US AND THE EGGS TASTE
ALMOST LIKE AT 3.77€ A JAR. THE ST MORET IS LIKE CREAM CHEESE SO
ON LITTLE TOASTES IT IS A GREAT HORS D'OUVRE.

ANNIE TOOK PHOTOS AND SO DID I SO WE COULD HAVE THEM FOR
POSTERITY. I POST THEM EVERYDAY ON OFOTO.

SHE WENT SKIING AFTER LUNCH AND I WATCHED A VERSION OF JACK
AND THE BEAN STALK WITH MATHEW MODDENE.
IN THE LAST 40 MINUTES OF PART 2,
I REALISED I SAW THIS FILM BEFORE. OLD!!ALZHEIMERS! BUT
THE BENEFIT IS YOU GET TO ENJOY STUFF YOU'VE ALREADY SEEN.

ANNIE TOOK SOME PHOTOS AND VIDEOS WITH MY CAMERA AND I POSTED
THE PHOTOS ON OFOTO.
AS FOR THE VIDEOS...WELL SHE DID 6 AND ALL LAUGHABLE.
I COULD SEND THEM IF YOU LIKE. BUT ON REQUEST ONLY.

NOTHING ON TV LAST NIGNT SO I WENT TO BED AT 8PM.
ANNIE WOKE ME AT 12 WHEN IT WAS
TIME TO GO TO BED.
I SLEPT PRETTY GOOD AND GOT UP THIS MORNING AT 6:30 AS USUAL.

TUESDAY NIGHT

WELL TUES AND I WENT OUT ONCE
SINCE WE'VE BEEN HERE.
COLD OUT DERE!!

ANNIE SKIED AGAIN TODAY
I POSTED PHOTOS ON OFOTO.

HAD FARINA FOR DINNER
ANNIE HAVING SMOKED SALMON.

BEEN ON NET SENDING EMAILS
AND POSTING PHOTOS,AND WATCHING
TV. FILM MERLIN 3HRS LONG
WEEW...LONG.

OUT OF FOOD SO, TOMMORROW
DOWN TO SUPER U TO BUY FOOD.

CLICK LINK FOR PHOTOS OF XMAS VACATION

WE ARRIVED IN LA CLUSAZ YESTERDAY SAFE AND SOUND.
THE RENTAL APPARTEMENT IS THE BEST
WE HAVE EVER HAD IN THE 12 YEARS I HAVE BEEN HERE.

SPACIOUS WITH SUCH A FULLY EQUIPED KITCHEN
AND THE FRIDGE IS ALMOST A REGULAR SIZE.

I LOVE IT!

WHEN I LOAD SOME PHOTOS LATER THIS WEEK,
I WILL POST THE LINK HERE FOR YOU TO SEE.

VACATIONS

FROM 1971 T0 1992 I LIVED IN A SNOW BELT IN NY STATE.
EVERY WINTER SNOW SNOW SNOW.
I GOT TO HATE SNOW.
SO WHO DO I MARRY, A WOMAN WHO LIVES FOR SNOW,
SKIING AND THE MOUNTAINS.
TOMMORROW WE LEAVE FOR THE ALPS…WHERE THERE IS NO SNOW.
WHAT IS THE WEATHER REPORT FOR
TOMMORROW NIGHT AND SATURDAY,
YOU GOT IT. SNOW.
I AM NOT REALLY AFRAID OF DYING, BUT I AM AFRAID OF DYING ON THE HIGHWAY WITH A PILEUP OF 50 CARS. THESE DAMN FRENCH JUST LOVE SPEED NO MATTER WHAT.
IF I DON’T POST ANYTHING BY MONDAY, YOU KNOW I AM EITHER DEAD OR MAIMED.

LIFE GOES ON, WHAT A COUNTRY!

IT ALWAYS HAPPENS!!!!

WE LEAVE FRI FOR A WEEKS VACATION IN THE ALPS.

OF COURSE I WOKE UP THIS MORNING WITH MY BACK
ON IT'S WAY OUT.

I DRUGGED UP, AND HOPE BY FRIDAY IT WILL
BE BETTER.

EVERY TIME WE PLAN SOMETHING, ONE OF US
HAS SOME SORT OF MEDICAL PROBLEM!!

GETTING OLD SUCKS BIG TIME!!!

CLICK THIS LINK TO SKYPE SITE

JUST FINISHED A SKYPE CONVERSATION WITH A FRIEND
IN CHICAGO ON THE SET OF NEW PLAY SPAMALOT.
SOUND WAS GOOD QUALITY AND I HIGHLY RECOMMEND IT'S USE.

ONE THING TO SAY

I AM DEPRESSED!

RIPPOFF OF THE CENTURY

RIPOFF OF THE CENTURY

I HAVE A MINOLTA NUMERIC CAMERA THAT I LOVE.
I’VE TAKEN THOUSANDS OF PHOTOS IN THE LAST 2 YEARS.

A FEW MONTHS AGO I NOTICED A TINY SCREW MISSING,
WHICH HOLDS A PART OF THE CASEING TOGETHER.
I DON’T KNOW HOW IT DISAPPPEARED, BUT IT HAS BEEN
ANNOYING TO SAY THE LEAST.
I KEPT THE CASE TOGETHER WITH A RUBBERBAND AROUND IT.

MY WIFE BROUGHT IT BACK TO WHERE WE PURCHASED IT ,
FNAC A VERY FINE DEPT STORE FOR ELECTRONICS, TVs AND BOOKS ETC.

THEY SAID IT NEEDED TO BE SENT BACK TO THE FACTORY.
WELL FOR A SCREW ¼ THE SIZE OF THE SCREW ON EYEGLASS FRAMES,
WE / I REFUSED TO BE WITHOUT THE CAMERA.

JUST TODAY , SHE TOOK IT TO A MINOLTA SERVICE AFTER SALES
STORE IN PARIS, TO GET THE SCREW PUT IN.
NOW REMEMBER THIS SCREW IS SO FN SMALL,
YOU PRACTICALLY NEED A MAGNIFYING GLASS TO SEE IT.

IT COST 14.22€ WHICH AT TODAY’S EXCHANGE RATE IS $19.05….
I BET THE JAPANESE ECONOMY RISES SOON WITH THAT KIND OF RIPOFF ON PARTS….
AND I REMEMBER THINKING GM WAS A RIPOFF WITH A DENTED BUMPER
AT $500.00 TO REPLACE IN 1991.

OBSERVATIONS

PEOPLE WHO HAVE EMAIL LESS THAN 3 YRS LOVE TO FWD SHIT!
BUT CAN'T RESPOND TO A SERIOUS EMAIL.

PEOPLE IN THE USA ARE NEVER HOME ON WEEKENDS
SO YOU WIND UP PAYING TO TALK TO THEIR ANSWERING MACHINE.

THEY CAN'T CALL BECAUSE THEY DON'T HAVE LONG DISTANCE
IN THEIR PHONE/CABLE/INTERNET PACKAGE

PEOPLE IN THE USA ARE ALWAYS BUSY!!!!!

I LOVE HANGING OUT DOING NOTHING!!!!

THE MORE I AM AWAY FROM AMERICANS
THE LESS I MISS THEM.

WHAT A PITY ............

HOW OLD ARE YOU?????

THIS MORNING I SAW A TALL LANKY BLACK KID
DIDDY BOPPIN UP THE HILL GOING TO THE HIGH SCHOOL.

IN THE 50’S WHEN I WAS A KID IN BROOKLYN,
IF YOU DIDN’T DIDDY BOP
YOU WERE DEFINITELY NOT WITH IT.

TIME MARCHES ON,
BUT HISTORY
ALWAYS REPEATS IT’S SELF!

NOTHING TO SAY

IT'S COLD,
AND I'VE GOT NOT
ONE INTERESTING THING
TO SAY!

OFF TO THE COUNTRY

AFTER I FINISH MY NEXT TOUR DE DUTY,
WE LEAVE FOR THE WEEKEND AT NEMOURS.

ANNIE CAN'T EVEN LIFT HER SAC.
THIS IS THE WOMAN WHO'S GOING SKIING
XMAS WEEK. I GET SICK JUST THINKING ABOUT IT.

SHE NOW HAS A BACK AS BAD AS MINE
MORE TO COME AFTER THE WEEKEND.

IT'S WEDNESDAY AND

WE STILL HAVEN'T EATEN ALL THE TURKEY.
I MADE TURKEY SALAD FOR TONIGHT BY STRIPPING THE BONES

AND WE STILL HAVE STUFFING AND SWEET POTATOES LEFT.
NOT TO MENTION PIE AND CHEESECAKE.

IT MAY BE FRIDAY BEFORE WE FINISH.
OH WELL, NEXT YEAR I'LL HAVE TO MAKE BIGGER DOGGIE BAGS.

THE PARTY'S OVER...TIME TO CALL IT A DAY

IT’S OVER…..THE MEAL WAS SUPERB….EVEN THOU THE TURKEY HAD NO REAR END
(THEY CUT THE WHOLE THING OUT HERE. THE EXPRESSION REAM HIS ASS REALLY GOES FOR TURKEYS HERE), IT WAS SUCCULENT.

I EVEN ATE A WHOLE PLATE THIS YEAR. NORMALLY I JUST HAVE THE ASS, STUFFING , CRANBERRY SAUCE, AND DESSERT.

THE CHEESECAKE DID N’T LQQK TOO BAD AFTER I FLIPPED IT, AND THE PUMKIN PIE WAS GOOD, BUT THE BOTTOM WASN’T REALLY COOKED WELL.
ALL IN ALL IT WAS A GREAT DAY, CONVERSATION WISE, FOOD WISE AND RELAXATION WISE.

THE BEST PART IS ANNIE AND I WON’T BE EATING TURKEY ALL WEEK AND WINDING UP THROWING THE REST AWAY A WEEK LATER.
I WAS ABLE TO MAKE DOGGIE BAGS FOR EVERYONE BEFORE THEY LEFT AND WE HAVE ENOUGH TO EAT TILL WEDNESDAY.

WE GOT SOME VERY COOL HOUSE GIFTS.
ANNIE’S NIECE BROUGHT A BOUQUET OF ROSES
ARMELLE AND JULIAN BROUGHT A GREAT PICTURE FRAME
AND CAT AND RON BROUGHT A PAIR OF SEAFARING BOOK ENDS AND A
BAROMETER IN THE SHAPE OF A SHIPS WHEEL FOR ANNIE’S MARINE ROOM IN NEMOURS.

AND OF COURSE MAT AND ANAIS WERE THE BEST BEHAVED KIDS YOU WOULD EVER WANT TO BE WITH. THEY ATE WITH US AND SHARED THE DAY WITHOUT A BOTHER. LOVE THOSE KIDS!!!!!!


RON SENT ME SOME PHOTOS, BUT I COULDN'T OPEN THE MIME.
I GOT ONLY 1 OUT OF 6 . I'LL BE POSTING AN OFOTO SITE LATER THIS WEEK.
WRITE ME IF YOU WANT TO SEE IT AND I'LL SEND THE SITE TO YOU.

THE GUESTS WHO WERE HERE WILL GET THE ADDRESS AS SOON AS I POST IT.

HERE IS THE SHOT RON TOOK OF ME AND MY PIE.



ME AND MY PIE 

THANKSGIVING

SUNDAY WE CELEBRATE THANKSGIVING IN OUR APPT.
THERE WILL BE 11 OF US. THE SAME PEOPLE EVERY YEAR SINCE 1994.
ARMELLE AND JULIAN THE FRENCH TEACHER MARRIED TO THE CUBAN SURGEON.
( I MET JULIAN IN 1994 IN A STAGE FOR FRENCH FOR FOREIGNERS )
ARTEM THE GEORGIAN+ GUEST
(I MET ARTEM IN ANOTHER FRENCH STAGE AND WE BECAME FRIENDS)
RON, HIS WIFE CATHERINE AND THEIR 2 CHILDREN MAT AND ANAIS.
(I MET RON IN ALLIANCE FRANCAISE, HE IS A RETIRED AMERICAN PROF FROM LOUISIANNA MARRIED TO A FRENCH WOMAN. THEIR KIDS WERE BORN SINCE 1994, SO THEY KNOW THANKSGIVING AS A BIG MEAL AT OUR HOUSE) THIS YEAR ANNIE’S NEICE FIONA IS COMING ALSO. SHE IS A STUDENT STUDYING TO BECOME AN INTERPRETOR. SHE SPEAKS FRENCH, ENGLISH, SPANISH AND GERMAIN.

LAST YEAR THE MEAL COST 147.42euros INCLUDING THE TURKEY OF 7.3KLG WHICH COST 31.76euros ALONE

SO FAR THIS YEAR I HAVE SPENT 121.26euros WITHOUT THE TURKEY. ANNIE WILL PICK IT UP SAT.
REMEMBER TODAY THE EURO IS WORTH $1.30.
THIS IS NOT THE STATES WHERE YOU GET A FREE TURKEY IF YOU SPEND $100 IN THE SUPERMARKET.
PLUS WE HAD TO ORDER THE TURKEY A WEEK AHEAD SINCE IT IS NOT AN ITEM YOU FIND ANYWHERE.


I’LL BE MAKING
1. A DEEP DISH APPLE PIE
2. A CHERRY CHEESECAKE
3. A PUMKIN PIE (BROUGHT THE PUMKIN PIE FILLING FROM THE STATES)

4. A 6 TO 7 KLG STUFFED TURKEY
5. MASHED POTATOES
6. GRAVY
7. BROCCOLI
8. A PAN OF SWEET POTATOES WITH MASHMELLOWS ON TOP
9. STUFFED MUSHROOMS

10. PLUS GUACAMOLE DIP , SALSA WITH CHIPS , NUTS AND PIMENTED OLIVES FOR AN APERATIF

11. THERE WILL BE WINE AND APPLEJUICE AND COFFEE WITH WHIPPED CREAM FOR THOSE WHO WANT IT
12. AND OF COURSE OCEANSPRAY CRANBERRY SAUCE (BROUGHT FROM STATES...CAN'T GET IT HERE)

DEEP DISH APPLE PIE 

SURPRISE FOR ME

YESTERDAY MY WIFE SPENT THE DAY WITH HER FRIEND ARLYNE FROM THE SOUTH.
SHE DOESN’T WORK ON WEDNESDAY AND ARLYNE
WAS IN PARIS VISITING HER AUNT
WHO WORKS IN THE MINISTERY OF THE INTERIOR.
THEY HAD LUNCH AT “ PLANET HOLLYWOOD” ON THE CHAMPS
AND THEN WENT TO SEE THE WHISTLER EXIBIT.

WHEN SHE CAME HOME I WAS ON THE COMPUTER.
SHE CAME IN AND SAID “I’M HOME HONEY” IN A CUTESIE VOICE.
THEN CAME OVER TO ME AND GAVE ME A PECK ON THE CHEEK.
SHE SAID SHE HAD A LITTLE THANKSGIVING PRESENT FOR ME.
I DIDN’T LOOK UP AND SHE ASKED IF I WANTED TO SEE IT.
I SAID OK WITHOUT LOOKING UP AND SHE HANDED ME A
MINI USB DRIVE.

I WAS AMAZED AND SAID ARE YOU DYING?
WHY THE GIFT? I WAS SO SHOCKED.
I HAD BEEN SURFING IOMEGA IN THE AFTERNOON CHECKING
OUT THE VARIOUS DRIVES.
NOT ONLY WAS IT A PERFECT THING TO GET,
BUT IT WAS A 256MG.
WOW! HERES A PHOTO.


IOMEGA 256mg MINI DRIVE 

WHEN WE WERE IN BED READY TO GO TO SLEEP,
I GOT A CALL FROM MY YOUNGER DAUGHTER ,
SAYING SHE HAD TALKED TO THE OLDEST WHO HAD BEEN
HANGING OUT WITH TIM CURRY AND THE GUY WHO PLAYS FRAZER’S BROTHER NEILS.
SHE WAS WORKING ON A SHOW THEY WERE IN.
SHE WAS HAPPY AS HELL CAUSE HE WAS ONE OF HER IDOLS AS A TEENAGER.
THE ONE THING NOONE COULD DO WAS
TALK ABOUT “THE ROCKY HORROR SHOW”.

WHAT A PERFECT ENDING TO A VERY COOL DAY

I AM MR CREOSOTE

You are Mr. Creosote! Restaurants just love you,
especially when you're throwing up all over the
other patrons...


What Monty Python Sketch Character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

I AM FROM VENUS

You Are From Venus

You love all forms of beauty. You love dressing up and anything luxurious. A social butterfly, you're incredibly popular and a great host. You're known for your fairness and affection. And as a frind to all. Careful though! You're desire to please may make you too willing to conform. Be yourself. Focus on what matters to you. You'll be all the more popular for it.

What Planet Are You From?